crabby B.R.A.T.

Which reminds me to talk about what I wanted to mention in my earlier post but somehow forgotten to.

I hated my flight. Just some of the things I want to remember for my sake: it was a bad, bad flight. I threw up twice and three movies on the way to Japan didn't make it. "The Notebook" was nice and soppy, but "Elf" and "Cinderella Story" was just BAD. Anyway, the food was so-so, but the seats were uncomfortable, the flight was turbulent, and well, guess I just wasn't prepared for it.

Few lessons I would like to dispense as I type this post out:

Lesson #1: never, never, NEVER trust the school in certain things. Like student support. I went back to school again today so that we could get this wireless network thing done and over with. And I thought that was just it: to transfer file accounts from my Win XP computer to my Mac. BUT, CIT decided to get nasty by saying that they were going to UNINSTALL whatever was theirs, i.e. MS Office and Acrobat Reader and Symantec Antivirus just because I wasn't going to use it again in school. And I was like, then WHAT exactly did I PAY for when I bought the bloody machine when I forked out the 2500 dollars??? And then THAT'S when they told me that I was paying for the stupid machine with the operating system that DOESN'T come with the relevant software.

In a nutshell: ATTENTION ALL SMU STUDENTS, DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING THAT THE OFFICE TELLS YOU THAT YOU ARE GETTING GREAT DEALS FROM THEIR CONTRACTED VENDORS. IF THEY ARE OFFERING ANYTHING, IT'S MAJOR, MAJOR RIP-OFFS!!! Go to Funan Centre or something, get student discounts for your OWN machines, and your OWN softwares, and everything will be much LESS complicated. Period.

Lesson #2: Just because you want your friend to get out of trouble doesn't necessarily mean you need to be in trouble yourself! A friend of mine was asking me if I was willing to lend money to a "close, close friend" who was in a dire financial situation and needed assistance quick. The amount needed was going to take up 90% of her savings.

To Friend who is reading this (and everyone else, this is what Suze Orman and every other wise financial advisor will tell you): if you think that you are being a great friend and a fantastic altruist by lending away 90% of your own savings to someone who is THAT desparate for money, YOU ARE NOT. Simply because you are going to lose RESPECT due to the fact that you are SO willing and vulnerable to take money out of your savings without even protecting YOURSELF first. IT'S NOT BEING SELFISH, IT'S BEING WISE. Besides, there is utterly NO gaurantee that you are going to get the SAME help if you get into trouble yourself. Believe me, nobody wants a helpful friend (a rare find in times like these) to be taken advantage of and then become bitter and spiteful for the next few years because of that one mistake. BUT, that doesn't mean they should go off and get help from the Mafia either. THERE WILL BE A WAY OUT. YOU JUST HAVE TO DIG FOR IT.

And finally, Lesson #3: ALWAYS, ALWAYS BRING AN UMBRELLA DURING THE MONSOON SEASON. I nearly got caught in the rain today (it's been pouring buckets of tears all day). And I forgot I'm not waterproof, and the water doesn't exactly evaporate that quickly from anything, thanks to this humidity.

Alright, go celebrate the New Year.

Exactly 2 hours and 56 minutes before 2005 comes around.

This is where everyone starts reflecting about what's been going on this past year. Well, I don't do it, often because I don't remember more than three quarters of it already. The only big thing that's happened to me is the wonderful exchange program that I've so blissfully returned from in the last 2 days or so. Definitely no place like home!

And then of course, lots of things happened this year too, to everyone. Like, for instance, the Olympics, the Presidential Elections (ooh, I loved how SNL made fun of the whole thing!), the FIFA championships, the Tsunami disasters, etc. I'm quite certain there was more, but I guess they just slipped my mind. Don't remember much at all.

I was watching CNBC Asia on Wednesday morning when they were talking about the highest grossing movies of the year in the box office. Here was the list:

1. Shrek 2
2. Spider-man 2
3. The Passion of the Christ
4. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
5. The Incredibles

The reporter observed how these movies all have a hero theme to it. Isn't that interesting that he just had to mention that? Seems that with whatever's been going around in this world today, we really do need a Hero of some sort. (but of course all of us Christians know how that One is.) I think if "The Incredibles" was released just earlier, it would've beaten Harry Potter hands down. That was a good show, but kinda silly to me. Animation rocks!

Getting sleepy. Shall surf around to find something silly till I fall asleep.

Happy New Year, everyone! Here's towards a better tomorrow for us all!

FINALLY I'm in the safe domains of my OWN room with my OWN stuff in my OWN house in my OWN neighbourhood and with my OWN friends! WHAT PURE, UTTER BLISS!!!

And what was totally amazing was that I didn't even have jet lag. Sure, after a WRETCHED 24-hour flight, we landed in Singapore at 12:30am on Wednesday, left the airport at 1, got home at 1:30, ate char siew pao at 2pm, took a shower at 3, slept at 3:45am, woke up at 7 to head for school at 8 (only to learn that the office Helpdesk won't let me have my wireless network in my Mac unless they've canceled the one in my Fujitsu which is a total wreck!), met my friend at 1:30pm, watched a movie at 3:45pm, and got home at 7:30pm and slept at 10pm. All that on a Wednesday. I am so proud.

And then today I got to see the same friend again so that I could give her her present that was way overdue (and she gave me mine - tiny little Russion diamond earrings! How wonderful that is!) and we went window shopping at Ikea. I was SO tempted to buy stuff for my room to clear the clutter and everything. Especially when I was cleaning out the bookshelf and one of the shelves just HAD to falter and nearly collapsed on the one underneath it. Now my room is in utter chaos. *sigh*

But I'm still glad that I'm home. Although shitty school starts next Monday for me, I'm going to have to keep up the energy. Till then. And I still haven't gotten my job yet!

The last few days have been really testing for me. I thought this was supposed to be a really nice Christmas, but sadly, it hasn't. I don't think it has anything to do with homesickness. I think it's just that I'm so fed up with being cooped up in the apartment without a car (Resolution #1: Get a licence!) that I've literally been bored to tears.

Oh well, departure is just two days away, and for those of you who have been looking forward to my arrival, I'll be coming back in the wee hours of Wednesday morning (think an hour past midnight). Hopefully my dad will make a diversion to get some char siew pao or something.

Lots of things planned to be done once I get back too. Like going to CIT to get my wireless network set up on my computer (again), and going to OCS to get my resume fixed up, calling the job agency to see if there're any lobangs for part-timers, and get some friends together in the house to talk about stuff. Go out for lunch. Lose the fat. Exfoliate the skin. Blah blah blah.

Got friends sending me letters saying that even despite having their boyfriends, they miss me. Shockingly, it's not making me feel any better. And friends talking about their best friends complaining and shedding tears about not getting them presents for Christmas?! What kind of a best friend is that?

My cousin got here at about 4pm/c on Thursday. She's not skinny, but she's prettier than ever. And man, is she earning money! She's able to afford lots of cool stuff (think Coach, and sharing a really neat house with a potential husband who will be arriving later tonight).

Somehow I've forgotten that every time I see her, I feel kind of... well, like I've fallen short of expectations. She's a straight-A student, confident that she'll get her Masters in engineering, beautiful, street-savvy, a couple of really close friends who are as smart as she is, she has a good looking boyfriend for a husband-to-be who's just as good as she is, blah blah blah. *sigh*

Gotta head back to the table. Feeling really low at this point.

Ho ho ho.

It's been a very boring day. The only thing productive that happened thus far was running in the gym, making stir-fry pork, and reading a teeny weeny bit of Anna Karenina.

I SO wanna get out of here!!! I miss the personal breathing space I once had in Riverbend. Gosh, once you've tasted the sweetness of freedom, you never want to go back on it.

I was thinking of writing about a certain letter I got from a friend, but I think that's WAY too personal. So keep your noses out of every aspect of my business!

I guess I'm just getting into the habit of saying that I'm bored, I'm bored, and I'm bored.

And I'm still figuring out how to put the links of other blogs on to mine so that I can keep track of who's been writing what of late, especially with the Christmas season and everything.

And can I say that this whole Christmas thing has been so totally blown way out of proportion?! Call me cynical, but why do people buy gifts for other people during this time of the year? Why on birthdays and Mothers' and Fathers' Days? Ooh, and my favorite: why do people ever buy their lovers presents on occasions like Valentine's Day? Is it because the marketers know that without them we would be at our worst? That we are absolutely incapable of buying presents for other people without that extra push? That we would become so overcome by the dynamics of the world's leading businesses and markets that we would become handicapped to fully operate out of pure will?

Obviously you can tell I've been blowing things way out of their proportions. Isn't the mind an amazing thing, especially when you're bored like I am?

I think I'll go back to some reading and let my imagination run wild some more.

Out of the dorm and into my Aunty V's home. Tiny apartment. But warm and cozy. But the lighting needs a bit of work. Not that it's bad, but... well, let's just say you're not going to get a lot done when the sun goes down at 4pm.

I'm actually starting to miss my room at Riverbend Commons! There was heat, there was good light, was my privacy, my own breathing space, etc etc etc. But of course, I really want to go home too. Can't wait to talk to my friends about what's been going on in the past 4 months! I even got this game called "Apples to Apples" which I hope we can play with because I think it might bring the whole group together! And with just 4 people at the minimum!! (actually I only got the expansion set because the original game will need a whole lot more space in the bags which is in serious shortage right now).

Today I had to brave 5degF temperature with lots of snow on the pavement, and having to risk my shoes getting soaked in the snow in the process (and thus nearly having my feet frozen) just to close my checking account. I could have - and should have - done it yesterday, but then there was this whole issue with the student account and everything... argh, let's not go into that. I don't wish to get any older than I already look.

My cousin will only be coming from Boston on Thursday because she's been studying for her Masters degree in something. Her last paper was yesterday, and it seems she's pretty confident that she's going to ace it. I know my cousin's really smart and everything. Good for her. I don't know why, but I really really wish I could go home early. Maybe it's because I'm a little apprehensive to see her again after so long. Oh, and I'm going to see her BOYFRIEND on Christmas Day. This apartment of my aunt's is not going to be very pleasant in the next few days. Goodbye, personal space, hello invasive chaos.

Oh, and another thing about this place: BAD internet connection. Let's just say I don't think my aunt's going to be subscribing to Road Runner again once her contract expires. I'm really lucky that Blogger is one of the few websites I can actually access without having the browser show up as "This page cannot be displayed blah blah blah".

I think I'll take a shower, get cleaned up, and put on paper exactly what I'm going to do once I touch base in Singapore.

Now where does she keep the paper...

My LAST day in the U of M! After cleaning out my room, I really wanted to close my bank account, which I can't, because I need to pay for my freakin' FlexDine which they REFUSE to add to my student account because they're upgrading their systems and all. I REFUSE to be back after today and close my bank account in the next two days. If they think I'm going to be nice, HA!

Here's the scoop: I added 25 bucks to my FlexDine and had it charged to my student account. That was last week. When it came to Friday, however, I went to the Bursar's office and found out that I didn't HAVE anything to pay for, and so I figured, hm, maybe they hadn't charged it there yet. So, I called the FlexDine Hotline and told them about it, and they told me to send them a check. Over the weekend, I had a good discussion with my mum who told me not to do anything yet since I wouldn't have anything in black and white to prove that I'd already pay for it, and so I hadn't paid them yet.

Today, I checked my student account, and again, nothing! I figured they wouldn't get it up there until I get back to SG even after New Year's. There is NO way I can check if my account's been updated, so it looks like I'll have to mail them the blardy check when I get home and as soon as it appears on the blardy student account.

See the inconvenience???

Anyway, I plan to work in the next semester (am in serious need of pocket money). I had this impression that I could walk up to Apple and ask them if they hired students/part-timers (and I'm crossing my fingers that they would!), but I'm not sure if that's a realistic outlook. I am hoping for someplace near home. BUT, that might mean I'll have to quit the church choir, which is going to be SO heartbreaking because it's what I love doing. But then again, survival is a must. Besides, after seeing the students here working and studying at the same time, I figured, screw it, why not???

So yeah, I guess I'll do just that.

And I'll need to work on my resume; it's in serious need for POLISHING.

I was on SMU campus, but not the campus we're all familiar with. Doesn't even bear any resemblance to the school. But in my dream, it was SMU no doubt. (well, it's MY dream, so heck!).

And the school was FLOODED. Or there was some sort of accident that happened. I'm not sure. But everyone was running around.

And SMU wasn't just a business school. There were primary school kids too and everyone was just running!!!!

And I particularly remembered one of the rooms looking really dark and black and there were a lot of loose wires hanging from the ceiling, with water collecting on the floor.

Weird dream.

What's that English for? Crap? Pretty much sums it up. Here's the situation:

A friend of mine (let's call her F.K.) and I were planning to get a haircut today at Salon #1. Called them yesterday, and they wre booked booked booked.

So F.K. suggested Salon #2, which is at Dinkytown, opposite the enchanting Loring Pasta Bar, so I put us both down for 1pm later today.

Then at midnight last night she emailed me saying she might wanna cancel that because it was expensive, and suggested Salon #3, which was also in Dinkytown.

Gave them a call, and they charged equally, if not MORE, than Salon #2.

Hopefully, F.K. will stil want to cut her hair and all. Otherwise, I'm going to throw lunch at her.

Not that I would, of course. She's a WONDERFUL person.

Wished that I had called Salon #1 earlier had I known that Christmas season was going to be this crazy!

Everytime I plan to be nasty, the nice side of me comes up and says, "Nah, don't do that, it's not worth it."

I just got an accidental call from H.I. and she told me to go to her birthday party that's this Monday.

Now, not that I don't like H.I. But really, I don't.

Let's see, it's really by grace I've actually lasted this long with her. Since Day One, I've had to put up with her incessant chattering about everything that has got to do with her, and essentially anything that doesn't agree with her is her #1 nemesis. She will put people aside and talk to someone else, completely forgetting about the person she's asked for company in the first place. And I wonder if she did it because she's lacking in courtesy in that area, or she's just playing mean.

I basically told her I would be moving out of Riverbend Commons during the day and I won't be back to campus at all for her birthday. And besides, knowing how she will be neglecting her guests for something else, and that she WILL get drunk, I really wasn't going to risk it. But she was like, "So?" like the world was hers.

How ARROGANT.

And yet, I still left her a courtesy call to tell her that I won't go.

But I lied, of course. And I disconnected my phone.

Bwahahhahahaahahaha.....

Johnny Depp has done it again! Is it just me, or are his latest projects getting better and better? Hee hee...

"Finding Neverland" was really,really good! I loved how the kids acted too. I'm not going into the whole synopsis thing because it would just ruin it for you. But I'm going to share with you people that it is a GREAT movie and I'm going to get the DVD the day it is released. Just be sure to pay extra attention at the imagery and the way the movie is filmed. I loved the way J.D. was shown sitting under the trees in the sunlight!! That was totally awesome!

I wonder if the soundtrack's any better too. I loved the music that was playing for the ending credits.

I thought this movie was great also because of Kate Winslet. Three cheers for her excellent work too!

If anyone has seen the movie, I'd love to hear your thoughts about it! Do leave a comment on this post, ok?

I am SO glad the semester's officially over for me!!!! So while a couple of people I know are still studying for their finals, I'm a free woman!! Yes!!!!

So last night I went out with the girls from the Small Group at the Loring Pasta Bar and we such a great time. We did our white elephant gift exchange and it was really interesting to see what they've been keeping in their houses just so they could get rid of. It was hilarious! But it was also touching at the same time because it was also my last time going out with them as a group, and one of the girls, Lisa, is going to Moody's in Chicago for Bible school so it'll be a while before they see her, and I'll never see her again. So yeah, I could tell it was emotional for her. Can't say I feel the same way, but I did have my best times here with these girls.

So tonight I'm going to meet them for a late night breakfast for a last last gathering... *sigh* I HAVE to get their mailing addresses!

So today I spent the day at the Mall of America and it felt so good to get out shopping without even thinking about what's left to do for school. Haha!

Oh, and I took the light rail for the first time from the Metrodome to the MoA. It was an interesting ride, because while I was excited that I could finally get there in half the time it takes on a bus, I completely forgot how to pay for my ticket. It sounds silly, given that I had my U Pass, but there was seriously no avenue for you to make sure that you even had your ticket. There's a machine that dispenses tickets, but there's no way to know if anyone went through that thing to pay. There's no barrier for it, and there's no ticket conductor to check on us. It's like getting on the train for free.

On the way back there were these kids from some elementary school that had gone to see the Polar Express and they were making a HUGE noise in the train (poor driver). You know how parents tell kids never to talk to strangers? Well they don't really care. These kids still talk to strangers. Well, to me, at least. There were these two girls called Jewel and Maria and they're both Native Americans (yes, REAL ones). Maria probably has the potential to be a multi-language translator. She already speaks 3 languages fluently, and when I told her what "hello" and "goodbye" were in Mandarin, she could follow! I was really impressed. So I guess you could say that the trip back to my room was really interesting because of a few kids. :)

And I got two sweaters at half the price from Banana Republic and Express. How much better can it get? :)

See, this is one of the reasons WHY I never approach the school offices for help even though they said they were always available for assistance!

I was simply asking for clarification about a certain email talking about "Work and Travel USA". Didnn't know what that was, and actually thought it was an internship of some sort. So, I decided to drop the office an email about requesting more information.

And then this lady replied in such a DEFENSIVE mode that she's kinda like, "Why the hell are you asking questions like that and why do you even bother shouldn't you be doing something important right now you ignorant ungrateful little twerp??!"

The BITCH. The WHORE.

I was SO damn pissed off with this woman from the office I was going to scream back at her in my reply saying, "Well, excccuusssee me for not reading the fine print!"

I just said, "Apologies for the misunderstanding".

Screw that lady. See if I'll EVER email her again!

I.Am.So.Embarrassed.

I came for Distribution Channels class today (monday) because I thought the guest speaker from Caterpillar was going to come. But apparently not. SO, that means I have to come tomorrow, which MEANS, I have to attend class AGAIN tomorrow which wasn't what I had in mind at all!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!

I had the WEIRDEST dream last night!

See, I had heard (in my dream) there was a suspense play starring the ever-so-sexy Jude Law (he's SOOO cute!), so I went for it. And barely a few minuutes into the show, somehow I BECAME part of it. But then for some reason it became a chinese dinner and Jude Law turned into my Physics teacher in high school...

***********VIOLENT SHUDDER**********

Like changing the way this blog looks! I mean look at it! I know it's black, and black IS cool, if you didn't know, but I would LIKE to add a tinge of my OWN flava and I seriously lack the expertise and the time right now.

Can somebody out there, like, teach me how to get the links of the other bloggers down on my site? For your convenience as well as for myself? (that way I won't have to keep typing those long URLs in my address bar for very long... tee hee hee).

I must've drained all of my energy into writing my distribution channels paper, because I have absolutely no motivation whatsoever to study for my two exams that's coming up this Tuesday!

Well anyway, I was at Walter Library and I got bored. Even that huge glass of peppermint-flavored mocha didn't do any good in helping my study. Distracted with other things, yes. Study, wwaaaaayyyy no.

I guess I was thinking about what's going to happen AFTER Tuesday. What am I going to do? What do I HAVE to do? Is there anything important I need to have settled right away? Should I leave as scheduled, or leave the week before? Or at least a few days earlier?

It's not like I'm getting sick of this place. I really am not. On the contrary, I wish I lived here. In a real middle-class neighborhood. With real, friendly neighbours. But then I forget that I'm ASIAN. Yellow-skinned. Not one of the majority. Discrimination is not spoken openly. But it is real.

And when you're Singaporean, you're like, where's that going to fit you in society? #1. You're not from China. Your Mandarin stinks. #2. Your English isn't that perfect either, even though you say you're from a country where English is your first language. Well, that doesn't come off very well either. I was lucky. For some reason, I am very well understood. I adapt to a culture easily.

And Singapore really IS a great country. But until parents stop pushing their five-year-olds to get them enrolled in a class with ten-year-olds, I am not going to enjoy myself as much.

I know we're a tiny little island, like a chilli padi. But for your information, chilli padis lose their flavor as time goes by.

I guess you can tell that my state of mind isn't so stable at the moment. I am absolutely torn between these two countries. Minnesota is a beautiful place, although I think living in California or Chicago might be a little better (but who cares, I'm here already, and I'm sold!). Singapore has GREAT food. If I lived here, I will be absolutely PINING for the good grub that I have been so accustomed to.

Why are we so fated to live in a country that's so TINY???

I wonder if I should go back to Singapore sooner before I really seriously consider living here.

It was SO awesome to have a break in the middle of all the work that's going on right now! Laura, Stephanie, and I from the small group gathering went to meet up with our male counterparts (haha) to have a little chit-chat and a little fun.

We had such an AWESOME time! I met Jesse, Nathan, and Peter who are all from Bethlehem Baptist Church as well and they are so hospitable. They live 5 minutes away from the church and their apartment was so cool! One of the guys made peppermint brownies and it was really good. Jesse made cookies which weren't really my type, but nonetheless better than me who doesn't know HOW to cook anything beyond the perfect hard-boiled egg.

So we chatted, and played this game called "Apple for Apple". What happens is that you play with a group of people, each person in the group taking turns to be a "judge". There are two types of cards that are in green and red. The red cards have names, places, and things on it, and the descriptions of those names. The green cards have an adjective of some sort, and you have to pick one of the red cards you got and think about whether it's best associated with that green card.

And believe me, it was SO funny to see how people think! Like for example, there was this card called "saintly". And we had people fishing out cards such as "Adolf Hitler' (the arguement for that one was really intense, and very funny!), "Killer Whales", "the Hummingbird", etc. The person with the most number of green cards win.

I absolutely LOVE that game! I wish there was a Singapore version for it. That way it would be more interesting. Too bad that it had names like Norman Rockwell and other people whom we don't know natively speaking. Otherwise, the game would have been so much more fun!

I reallly loved tonight and what we've been doing. The guys were really, really hospitable, and incredibly nice. I don't know why some women think that men are jerks. I think they just hang out with the wrong crowd.

And you listen to what they've been doing. Like for example, Jesse is officially graduating this semester, but he had already attended the graduation ceremony way back in May because he thought he had graduated then. But then he got a letter from the school that said he had to take some more classes, so here he was. Then there was this other guy Nathan (whom I sat closest to) and he's in engineering. Now anyone who knows about U of M's reputation that it has one of the best engineering faculties in the country is rather true, I have to say. He's currently working for Northwest, although he plans to work for Honeywell when he graduates because he thinks it's cooler (although he confessed that the Airline industry is pretty interesting as well... ).

I'm wondering how many times I've mentioned that we had such a good good time!!! I wish I could go for the Atlanta trip that they're going to have early next month. Wouldn't it be great if I could just transfer here?!!!

Work with me on this thought, okay?

Imagine that you are shopping with a very close friend of yours. You’re randomly going around for clothes, looking at the items your friend picked and giving her your personal opinion. Then out of the blue, one of the guys whom you knew and worked with from school and have a crush on (but you didn’t know he worked there) came up to you from the back, covered your eyes with his strong, lean hands and whispers “Heelllooo, there” in your ear that sends your brain spiraling out of control either from the shock you just received or from the tone of his voice. Then you take his hands off your eyes, turn around and see his smiling blue eyes and sand-colored hair as he hugs you from the back. You lightly smack him in the arm (and making sure it stung a bit) before hugging him back, maybe giving him a light kiss on the cheek in the process.

Oooohhh, what a thought.

I don’t know where I got that from, but it just popped out of my head on the way to my aunt’s this afternoon. Must be the stress from all the upcoming deadlines that always comes with the end of the semester. Thank God I don’t have any finals, so that I end a lot earlier than most of the other students on campus.

But then again, I’m also wondering how many of us out there have the same thought that I just wrote when we least expect it?

Well I have to admit, I may have a biased preference for American guys, even though I also know that you don’t have to be one to be a jerk just like all the other guys on this planet.

But I do notice that the kind of guy I like tends to be friendly, outgoing, humorous, sociable, but not S.N.A.G-ish (I don’t quite agree with the Sensitive New Age Guy thing. You’re either a nice guy who sincerely loves a woman, or you’re not!).

I also like guys who are quietly romantic. i.e. do the smallest things like hugging or giving surprises like flowers (so what if I’m traditional. It’s nice to me!) to show that they care. Or just saying “I love you” not for the sake of saying it, but also meaning it. It’s like God: His expressions of love are of the most subtle things that 99.9% of the time we take for granted in life.

I can be romantic, and a little soppy as well. Like now, when you least expect it. But I can’t help thinking right now about those romance novel writers. How do they do it? Are they married? Were they inspired by some real-life event that happened to them or someone else? Or are they really so imaginative that they don’t even need the romance in life to give fire into a little fictional work of passion?

I think I’ll go back to work now. I think I’m losing my head!

Has anyone out there every tried having a Cappucino Heath Blizzard from DQ in 35 degrees weather? Awesome experience! I wouldn't try it again though... haha.

This morning was my Buyer Behavior presentation on McDonald's. The process was just crazy. This whole week we only met once before the presentation (Sunday) and then other than Hilda and myself the rest didn't make it for class, so we were really hoping to meet yesterday, but that didn't happen either.

So in the end I had Hilda - and later Bryan - over in MY room to do the silly powerpoint slides (Bryan had been keeping our progress report, and we didn't get it till last night.... Hilda and I were nearly in a fit when we couldn't contact him).

Oh that's right, NOBODY knows what's going on!! Well here are my group members: Hilda Innocent (yes, that IS her last name) is from Haiti but is studying in France and she's here on an exchange program for the rest of the academic year; Inna Davydova, a pretty blonde who has an equally pretty name; Cory McCracken, who's kinda meterosexual (but very creative and ever so full of ideas! He works at OshKosh B'gosh); and Bryan Shreier from Madison, Wisconsin. The HARDEST to contact. Works at Abecrombie and Fitch, trendy (think Dawson's Creek), likes "The OC" (gag!), and perpetually dresses in jeans that're torn at the knees, and flip-flops even in this weather.

So everyone has different timetables. That's fine. But what really frustrates me is that while we really did work well together, it was damn freakin' hard to reach any of them (especially for me since I don't even have my cell phone). What's more, Bryan's number is a Wisconsin number, and my room doesn't allow international calls.

So I kind of resort to the panic mode, and try to do the best as I can with the slides. Thank God for Apple Powerbooks! My Fujjitsu wouldn't have been able to take the pressure.

But by some form of miracle, I thought we presented really really well! We had so many good points and I thought our professor really liked it too. We nearly exceeded the time limit (and that might have cost us points) so we rushed a bit. But it really was fun having the two of them over in my room. It was Bryan's first time in Riverbend, and Hilda was kind of joking about having to leave the door open since no boys are allowed in the girls' room. Haha. I'll be she would've given exceptions to Kasper.

But so far this day turned out really great. I'm actually quite glad!

It's amazing how we think that we will forever remember some of history's most barbaric moments in our lives, and somehow push them to the back of our minds as time goes by. Besides, as the saying goes, "Time heals all wounds".

Until someone puts the memory to story. Or song.

I was chatting with a friend of mine online. We both knew who Steven Cravis was, and we loved what he did with his piece called "Through the Kaleidoscope". She told me that there was a new song that's being featured on orisinal.com (where we found out about "Through the Kaleidoscope" - it's on the game called "Bubble Bee", just in case you're interested). So I went to play it.

It's a really cute game. It's called "High Delivery" or something like that. It's got a flower as an icon for it. What you do is that you move your mouse - which is substituted for a fan - and blow a balloon that's tied to a bottle, and catch as many falling flowers as you can as the balloon and its content continue to float skywards. Finally the balloon settles down in the clouds, leaving the bottle of flowers behind at the heavenly gates. The graphics was beautiful.

And when you played it with the music in the background, you seriously cannot ask for more.

So we were wondering what the song title was called. She gave me the URL to a website at http://music.download.com/ that featured all of Steven Cravis' free downnloadable mp3's. The first one on the list was actually the song we had in mind (i.e. she had it all along, but she didn't know it).

And the song was called...

... "The Children of Beslan".

I didn't get it at first. I wondered why on earth would he play something so melanchollic and sad? Later on I read the comments:

"Dedicated to the children of Beslan, Russia who were brutally massacred in September 2004".

Suddenly all memory related to that period in time came back to me. All the news. The followps.

The tragedy.

The heartlessness and cruelty.

All the innocent blood spilled on to the school grounds.

All of a sudden I could hear God sobbing over the unncessary loss of life. All because of a few bloodthirsty men and women who simply had to feed on the blood of children to edify their rock-beating sadistic souls.

I thought it was very thoughtful for both Steven Cravis as well as the creator of Orisinal.com (I think his name is Ferry Hallim... I hope I got that right) to help us remember things like that. When you see that balloon take off from the streets, and float up into the sky as you're trying to catch the fallling flowers, it's as if the flowers were the lives of the innocent that you're trying to protect in that tiny bottle, thus sending the heavens a "high delivery".

This planet could use more talent like that if we're going to appreciate the things we have today.

Indeed, never forget.

It's funny, how when you feel like you've lost all faith in people's kindness, and the next thing you know, you read about people who have made a difference in other people's lives by changing their own without grudge.

I had bought this month's issue of Glamor out of habit, without knowing that there was an article about a middle-aged spinster residing in New York city enjoying the fruits of her labor until she went to Russia with her sister to accompany her in adopting one of orphans there. It was also where she instantly fell in love with one of the girls who had the prettiest pictures I've seen for a nine-year-old, and yet behind the facade is a sad history with a very bleak future should she remain un-adopted. This lady then made the radical decision to adopt this girl after a month of weighing the benefits and the possible failures that might result should she adopt this Russian girl. Eventually she did, and as of now they are enjoying their lives together, and possibly saving up to adopt the girl's best friend who has yet to be adopted herself.

It was such a beautiful story. I'm so glad I read it because it reminds me that there is so, so much more to life. Like what Stacie Orrico sang: "There's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me. 'Cos the more that i trippin' up thinking there must be more to life, well it's life, but I'm sure there's gotta be more than wanting more."

I guess that what inspires me: to be successful, but also share the fruits of my labor with someone special.

The idea of adoption excites me a little. But if I wanted to raise my child, I'd rather do it somewhere where she will actually learn and not stress about the grades, the people, and the material things that other people might pressure her into. Not that this world hasn't got any of it, but I just know there is an environment out there where children can be raised.

More than three times have I heard from my mother (indirectly) that my aunt thinks I am wwaaayyyy innocent and tender-hearted at my age.

First, she tells my mother that the remarks and replies I give her reveal that I am open and honest with my thoughts, just like my cousin (so she says).

Second, I was telling her on the phone about American History X and what I thought about it (which I think is on my other blog. See profile), and she thinks I am still rather tender-hearted - even for the day before my 21st birthday.

Then, when I got this stuffed golden retriever puppy from a store for personal comfort she gave me this really weird look like "what in the world do you need it for?!", and then she told my mum (again) that I'm so innocent.

To further substantiate that point, I was sitting with two guy friends from my Distribution Channels class during lunchtime, and one of them made a joke about me. I just gave him a "you think you're funny but you really aren't" look. Then he asked me why I wasn't making fun of him back. I just told him it wasn't in my nature. And both guys gave me a face that read "man, you're weird".

To be honest, I'm kinda fed up just hearing about it.

Because if I'm that nice, well, not a lot of people out there are appreciating that added fact.

They talk to me, they call me, they want me to rush out and meet them at the last minute, and then they dump me for their boyfriends after 30 seconds of superficial chit-chat.

Not like there's anything wrong with it. I just feel so... exposed.

AND*I*AM*SO*SICK*OF*IT.

Wouldn't it be nice if I could just put God aside for 30 seconds and scream all the profanities of the world at the people who've been at my throats for so long?

Sorry, no guts. Besides, I have a conscience. I don't think I want to lose that so soon.

I am Woman. Spinster, currently yes. But neither Barbarian nor Neanderthal.

I take it that there's a whole lot of people who have mastered the art of lying really well. On the surface, they look really envious, because they don't seem to be affected at all; they just move on with life.

So why is that so hard for me to do?

Because I don't believe that lying takes me anywhere. Because everytime I do, I get that pang that not telling the truth will lead to some form of "disaster".

Because the One inside of me gets hurt. And I try to figure out how that hurts Him. It didn't, and never, seemed to hurt anyone and everyone else.

Maybe that's why I haven't been hanging with people as much as I'd like to: in order to protect that "innocence" within me, I need to protect me from everyone else.

I think it's just bull when friends tell me that they're not really as open as people say they are. Because I can never really be sure if they're really telling me the truth and treasuring the friendship. Because in reality, what they do and what they say reveal the exact opposite of what they tell me.

Because in reality, once they have other people to be around with, they put me on one side.

That's why I'm starting to get tired. Maybe even a little bitter.

Damn.

35 minutes more to class. Not looking forward to it, because I have to do a presentation. Been up since 4 this morning; I so cannot wait to hit the bed.

Seth Meyers from SNL is coming to campus. Tickets are selling for $5 for students, and $7 for the general public. Works for me. Right now, I will do anything to get away from work!

Strange day I'm having thus far. This morning I woke up groggy and in a really bad mood. But after my Finance class, my mouth just started talking and everything I said came out so naturally, even I'm surprised. And it's not crap!

I think I'm getting way too comfortable with the American accent thing. People forget that I'm actually on exchange here. In a way, it's good because when they assume that, they don't act all special for me just so that I can understand what they're talking about. But then again, if I spoke in Singaporean accent, would they be extra nice with me nonetheless? I know people ought to be courteous and polite in general, but I think things like accents make a huge difference in their body language. They come out more naturally, of course, if I spoke in their tongue.

But then again, there's this whol ethnicity issue again that I am definitely feeling here. Because it's so obvious that my skin is yellow, and I look like I'm from some Chinese province. I even feel it in my exchange group. This bunch of girls from Austria and Norway don't even know I exist. They say hello to a French girl who's standing right next to me, completely forgetting you-know-who! I am hoping that not all Austrians or Norwegians are like that. That would be so sad.

Am considering getting a new notebook, and the iBook G4 looks really, really good. I'm going to bring it up to my mother and see what she says. Hopefully I'll get it soon, because I think I'm going to need it really, really soon.

The third last Thursday of the semester is here. Once everything is over, I am so outta here!

Turned out that my Dad still wants me to bring the dead thing home, where we can get it repaired and then replace the junky old desktop PC that's rotting at home right this minute.

I'm thinking, while we're at it, why don't we replace that junkie ol' printer and the junkie ol' scanner as well? Not that we use them around the house anyway (only one of us has the patience to let it spew out one badly printed copy after 5 minutes at it and it's definitely not me!).

I'm suddenly having this horrible thought that once I get back home, I'm going to have to start from scratch. Maybe not in terms of studying, but in relationships. Not that I'm seeing anybody, but with the level of friendship I have with people, well, I think I'd rather move on than having to dwell on the fact that they weren't really real with me to begin with.

The sudden horrid feeling of being alone is seeping in right now and I don't like it one bit.

Is it because of the fact that I'm being way too nice with them? That I'm being seen as vulnerable, a girl who can have her heart broken into smithereens?

(1) That's just wrong, (2) It's downright mean, (3) Don't even think about having me seeing you through your problems again, and (4) Good riddance!

If life is going to be so cruel as to have all these people taking advantage of my kindness, should I be extra, extra nasty the next time I ever come into contact with them? Just because I sleep with a stuff animal doesn't mean I don't know how to put people down either. I just choose not to because it's not in my nature. I'm tired, I'm lonely, I need to be around good, sincere, honest people who will listen to me for a change, ...

... Need to stop whining before I lose my head.

You heard me. My notebook died this morning 0900hrs.

What happened? It didn't take the spilled milk too well. And there wasn't even a lot of it to begin with.

I was preparing my breakfast - cereal with milk - and was about to set it down on the table when the whole thing just fell apart. The container holding my food decided it was going to have none of it, so about three quarters of my breakfast literally went all over the table. First casualty: yep, you guessed it.

There actually wasn't a lot of the milk that came into contact with the notebook. At least, that's what I remembered. I managed to get it out in time, like, the second after the milk came into contact with it. I even had the napkins nearby to clean up the mess.

But alas, my notebook wasn't going to have any milk either. So, thinking that it'd rather die than having to smell like milk all day, it gave up the ghost.

It left pretty indecently too. I was on the desktop, and then the icons on the desktop starting flickering like Speedy Gonzales running on Tobasco sauce.

I then turned it off and started the computer. This time it didn't even get past the diagnostic screen.

So I went all the way to the computer helpdesk office at Union Street. That was where it was pronounced dead. Unusable.

Fini.

Rifinito.

Sayonara.

So obviously, the family has to know about it. I called my mother. She took it surprisingly well. (Actually she told me to get a new one when we get back home so that it'll be cheaper. Quite frankly, I don't know if I can wait that long.)

So for the next 3 weeks or so, I am without a notebook. It's going to feel so, so weird without it.